the village buzz

this is an old blog entry to an old blog.. i hated to see this thing die..

bands listen up! proper use of the -core modifier..

when describing your band, please refrain from excessive use of the modifier -core. and when you use it, mean it..

one of the only acceptable uses is.. hardcore.. and if you say you are a hardcore band.. you must understand what you are saying. hardcore is not metal..

not sure what i mean?

here are some examples, and their meanings..

emo-rapcore - we sound just like korn, but we wear converse!

alterna-roots-core - we only play at bernies in c-bus. no one comes, because we are too good, and no one gets it. other bands are just jealous.

hemp-core - we play jam music. mostly in the summer, at obscure festivals, like “weed riot ‘93.” we are too stoned to know our instruments are outta tune.

trucker-grease-core - we look like truckers, and are all greasy, and our instruments are all messed up. but we paid more money for our messed up clothes than you paid for your good ones. we broke our own instruments to give them the “we don’t care” look. we put duct tape on spots that really aren’t broken.

christian-salvation-core - we rap gansta style and scratch wicky wicky on the turntable about god and jesus, but we are not aware that even they are embarrassed by this.

punk-core - we don’t know what the hell we’re talking about, but you should see how hot all the girls in my english class get when i say that!

folk-core - i picked the name of my genre out of a hat.

slow-core - i spend way too much time on the luna or galaxie 500 mailing lists. i am really sad about everything all the time. my hair is greasy.

anger-core - i am a social misfit, and even in the music world, no one likes me.. i cannot, under any circumstances, take a joke. i know this comment is aimed at my band.

death-metal-core - we are obsessed with the imagery of early black sabbath. we sound alot like them, but we are all pudgy and doughy..

gangsta-rap-core - we are white guys, but we like to say “nigga” alot.. we have never been: in trouble with the law, in a fist fight, with a (REAL) freaky chick, or committed a crime other than speeding. but we can talk gangsta talk with our g-dawgs like crazy.. we like to talk about our bitches, when our girlfriends are not around.

garage-style-core - our band is named after the only place that will let us play. my mom’s garage. we think metallica is the coolest band, and i bet they would like to hang out with us, even though we are older than them.

ska-core - we play the new sound in ska. we don’t know what the old sound in ska is, but ours is better. we wear plaid clothes and wingtips. we bought our clothes at the salvation army, and when we grow up, we wanna jam with the bosstones..

grind-core - our distortion pedals go to “11″. we sing songs about being REALLY pissed.. but we’re really not..

electroni-core - when i first heard that chumbawamba record, i knew my calling. i have all the audio software i could find on morpheus. i don’t know anything about midi, but i say it ALOT. i talk alot about beatmatching, too.. in my daydreams, my name is dj wicky wicky..